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sincerely, me.

the story behind the album

I've spent around a  thousand sleepless nights trying to get my thoughts out of my head. I've been writing "sincerely, me" for years now. The whole album is a storyline, a message, everything i haven't got the chance to say to my first love. Moving on from it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do. All the songs of this album talk about my process of moving on. Denial, sadness, anger, depression and finally acceptance and closure. A rollercoaster of feelings. So step on it with me. Come and follow my journey and let me explain what each song means to me, what each song is really about.
 

brokenBroken is our first stop. The sadness, the pain, the heartache the perfect mix of all of them together, which created the ultimate sad ballad. I wrote broken in November 2015 when we had our first breakup, when he disappeared for a while. I was feeling shattered, broken. 17 year old really thought that there was no going back from that. That I will forever remain broken. That this was the end, but little did i know this was just the beginning.. 

liarAnger is honestly an understatement for this song. I actually did write this song a long time after Broken. The 25th of December 2019 to be exact. The first time he didn't wish me "Merry Christmas". I was in my room waiting for his message and while i was waiting i scrolled up and read our messages. I got so many flashbacks of myself waiting for him to go home. Staring at the ceiling, trying  to calm myself down, convince myself that he was not lying to me. But he was, most of the time. I felt a wave of anger, an uncontrollable rage finally realizing how manipulated i was being treated through the years. And that's how liar was born.

storm - I like to call storm, the realization song. The standing back for a second and realizing how different a person is from what you really thought they were. When you first get in a relationship the other person seems awesome, perfect. You go through the "honeymoon" phase. The lovey-dovey phase. I can't say we ever really had that. But I definitely thought that he was perfect. That I was lucky to even have someone like him in my life at all. Still, in the anger phase, storm describes how someone can come into your life, tear apart everything and then leave like it was nothing. Exactly what a storm does in real life. 

lost into the chords - Lost into the chords was written exactly a month after Broken. 25th of December 2015 ( yes, it was a pretty sad Christmas to say the least). A pretty haunting period of my life. I felt so lost, i'd stay up for weeks, i couldn't sleep at all. I'd stare at my ceiling all night long trying to figure out why he left. Sometimes i'd play some piano to ease up the pain, to silence my thoughts. I wrote the song a rainy night, around 2 am. It was the first time i realized that i was playing the same four chords over and over again and this melody that was stuck in my head. I got my first night of sleep after a while that night. Full 8 hours and everything, it was great.

drifting - i wrote drifting a few months before I moved to London. Summer 2017 I believe. The original title was "take it away", and I was referring to my sleep paralysis. I was terrified at the time. If you never experienced sleep paralysis, I really hope you haven't and never will, sleep paralysis is when you cannot move or speak as you are waking up or falling asleep. Many people see or hear stuff, shadows, demons. I never saw anything. For me, it was a complete pitch-black darkness, with a rare occasion view of my wardrobes. I was really suffering. I'd stay up on purpose because I was scared to fall asleep. That's when I developed insomnia, a sleep disorder that can make it hard to impossible to fall asleep. My sleep paralysis would usually come in a 1+1 deal. A really bad nightmare and then a sleep paralysis episode. I couldn't breathe or scream, it was just too much. My nightmares were so realistic and they would usually follow a pattern, if you watch the music video you'll get what I mean. Drifting was really a cry for help. We, later on, wrote the last verse that's about changing things up and getting control back. 

big world - I wrote big world when I first moved to London. It was around November when the excitement and fascination started to fade a bit and I was feeling overwhelmed and lost and confused. Moving to a big city was a huge change and I was going through many firsts on my own. I remember seeing all these new places and living all these different experiences and all I wanted to do was to pick up the phone and call him and tell him all about it. This was the first phase of moving on i guess when i realized that I can live without him. That there was still so much out there that I haven't lived, that I haven't seen, and that I haven't felt but there was still a part of me that was holding on to him.

in another life - I started writing in another life in September 2018, on a train in London. The funny thing is that I started writing this song about someone else. I remember going back home the last night I saw that guy and I couldn't stop thinking about what he told me. "Maybe in another life". And it was weird cause even though the other guy said it, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Maybe in another life, I'll finally get over him I said. I was still in the process of moving on, I wasn't thinking of him anymore but every now and then someone would say something or mention him and I'd feel a small pinch in my stomach, a weight on my chest. I guess in another life is the song of all the what-ifs, what if we fought a bit harder, what if we tried more, what if we put our egos aside and swallow our pride, would it work then? maybe. who knows? maybe in another life.

final goodbye -  When we finished forming the album, there wasn't a song about closure and it just didn't feel right. I had a few lyrics already written down on my notes and told my producer that i needed one more track on the album. He came up with a killer melody for the chorus and i quickly wrote the lyrics on the spot. Final goodbye is a positive song. It feels a lot like a  conclusion in an essay. The point were you refer to all of the above and all the reasons why the situation ended when it did. I felt like i needed to end this era with a song that says thank you, but now it's time for goodbye. The healing is done and the future is bright. 

Thanks for going through this journey with me and for all of your support i love and appreciate you all.

             
                   
                                                                         
                                                            

  sincerely, Rafaèlla

watch the docu-series to learn more about "sincerely, me ".

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